for those who may not be aware:
in a nutshell, a very small nutshell, me and Aubrey's father ("father" is used for a reason..) had mediation yesterday, basically to determine Aubrey's life until she 18. it was the absolutely hardest thing I have ever had to do. I got mad, I got sad, I got frustrated.. I cried. the outcome is not what I would have liked (at all really) but I guess its better than what it could have been. I just really don't understand some people, like their ways of thinking. Its amazing to me the differences in the interpretations of the words "reasonable" and "logical".
you would think.. oh the many, many ways that could be finished!
unfair. I have never really understood the meaning of that word until now.
I'm not talking what's fair to me at all. this is ALL about Aubrey, apparently some people didn't get that memo.
FAITH. faith faith faith faith. TRUST. SURRENDER. OBEY. ... FORGIVE. ... LOVE. PRAY.
this will definitely be a process. this will not happen over night, the hurt is waayyy too deep. But I have, and will continue, to leave this to God. If I do things my way, I would be bitter forever. If I do things God's way, I will have a peace-filled, rewarding life. a life to be enjoyed. not to say that hurt won't still be there or it will have been forgotten, but it won't be my concern (or at least that's the goal!).
so, please please pray for me (and my family- I'm not the only one affected by this)
God is bigger than me and all of my ideas of how things should have gone. Things happened the way they did because GOD said so. I have to remember that. over and over. I can't do the "what if" game.. I will end up in the looney bin! God knows how this will affect Aubrey, God allowed this all for a reason- a reason I'm not aware of (unfortunately!!)- a reason that I have to have faith in. period. .. period!
I know this is not detailed at all, I'm sorry. I will give details if anyone wants to know privately, I think that would be best. I'm debating on even posting this. I just needed to write, I think I will have to come and re-read this ALOT!
so... if anyone has any suggestions of any books/devotionals/Bible studies that deal with forgiving others and loving those who you just don't really want to.. please let me know. or just any words of encouragement.. I'm just really struggling right now.
sorry to be such a downer..
Thank you to anyone who has prayed about this situation, I really do believe it has helped!!
Also, please pray for him and his family as well. (right now I can't).
alright, I guess that should do. I will post something happier soon!! :)
I love you all! :)
2 comments:
Well it's three am and I am pumping! Stinks and I'm super sleepy. Lola finally settled down after I put her in her swing. I hope it's okay to let her sleep in it!
I enjoyed your post. It seemed more like a journal entry which is why I love to blog and read blogs. What you had to say and how you wrote it gave it a feel of a modern day bible passage. It was honest and about you trying and learning to give something fully to God. Like I said in the e-mail- I'm proud of you. I'll continue to pray specifically for you and your family as well as him and his family.
Sounds like you and I definitely need those pedicures! Next week? Tell me when and I'll see if my mom will watch Lola! I'm sure she will!!
Talk to ya soon~
as you already know, we have prayed and will continue to pray. even my cg has prayed over this :) let me know when you can see the movie! maybe we can go tomorrow, but if so, we'll have to tote casey along with us :)
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