.....

Has anyone had someone do something so wrong and so hurtful to you that its all you can do not to cry all day?? I know I am commanded to forgive those who do me wrong, but how? 

for those who may not be aware:

in a nutshell, a very small nutshell, me and Aubrey's father ("father" is used for a reason..) had mediation yesterday, basically to determine Aubrey's life until she 18. it was the absolutely hardest thing I have ever had to do. I got mad, I got sad, I got frustrated.. I cried. the outcome is not what I would have liked (at all really) but I guess its better than what it could have been. I just really don't understand some people, like their ways of thinking. Its amazing to me the differences in the interpretations of the words "reasonable" and "logical". 

you would think.. oh the many, many ways that could be finished! 

unfair. I have never really understood the meaning of that word until now. 

I'm not talking what's fair to me at all. this is ALL about Aubrey, apparently some people didn't get that memo. 

FAITH. faith faith faith faith. TRUST. SURRENDER. OBEY. ... FORGIVE. ... LOVE. PRAY.

this will definitely be a process. this will not happen over night, the hurt is waayyy too deep. But I have, and will continue, to leave this to God. If I do things my way, I would be bitter forever. If I do things God's way, I will have a peace-filled, rewarding life. a life to be enjoyed. not to say that hurt won't still be there or it will have been forgotten, but it won't be my concern (or at least that's the goal!). 

so, please please pray for me (and my family- I'm not the only one affected by this)

God is bigger than me and all of my ideas of how things should have gone. Things happened the way they did because GOD said so. I have to remember that. over and over. I can't do the "what if" game.. I will end up in the looney bin! God knows how this will affect Aubrey, God allowed this all for a reason- a reason I'm not aware of (unfortunately!!)- a reason that I have to have faith in. period. .. period! 

I know this is not detailed at all, I'm sorry. I will give details if anyone wants to know privately, I think that would be best. I'm debating on even posting this. I just needed to write, I think I will have to come and re-read this ALOT! 

so... if anyone has any suggestions of any books/devotionals/Bible studies that deal with forgiving others and loving those who you just don't really want to.. please let me know. or just any words of encouragement.. I'm just really struggling right now. 

sorry to be such a downer.. 

Thank you to anyone who has prayed about this situation, I really do believe it has helped!! 

Also, please pray for him and his family as well. (right now I can't). 

 alright,  I guess  that should do. I will post something happier soon!! :) 

I love you all! :)

growing girl!

Well, my little baby is a growing, growing girl! Time for food!! Yep, Yesterday Aubrey had some cereal.. and today we added sweet potatoes! Let's just say, there will be no problem getting her to eat! there could be a serious weight problem soon! lol! 

I just can't believe she is already old enough to eat!!! 

    First "Bite"     She Likes!        Time for a relaxing        bottle!

Deciding if she likes sweet potatoes... 

... and she does! :)

what a silly girl!

(not sure why I have this blue line.. annoying..)

the other night I laid Aubrey down for bed, but she kept fidgeting, so I laid down in my bed with her to get her to calm down.. so we're just laying there face to face and I'm just humming to her (she likes it) :) and then I start telling her I love her and she starts giggling and 'talking' which I translated to her saying "I love you too" :) and she kept putting her hands on my face, and that's how she fell asleep! I just LOVE moments like that!! 

absolutely the sweetest!

This is how she fell asleep.

My flash is really bright!

So we have had a pretty relaxing weekend- didn't go anywhere!! Just stayed at home and played and didn't have to rush for anything, soo nice! 

Here is an ending picture- please don't call CPS- this is how she falls asleep at night or just during a nap! it's awful! I'm constantly pulling the cover down, then by the time I turn around she has pulled it back up! I guess if she couldn't breath she would move it!! ayiyi! haha.. 

Hope everyone has a great week! :)

several things:

-first-

I just finished this totally hilarious book 

I don't know if my hormones are still a little off, (which "they" say it can take up to a YEAR for them to go back to "normal"!), or if my life is just really lame right now.. but, I was seriously laughing out loud!! This is a must have for all new moms, expecting moms, or anyone who is considering to have kids (haha). Here are just a few of the great quotes: (first let me say, the breast feeding chapter, titled Lactose Intolerance, is by far the funniest! I could quote the whole chapter!)

If I hear "breast is better" one more time, I swear I'm going to strangle myself with a forty-five dollar nursing bra... Whether you breast feed or not, you need to be prepared for the Tit Terrorists." .. "I did keep trying.. until my Vicodin ran out. Then all hell broke loose.  I cannot believe a loving God intended us to breast feed out babies sober." 

"my husband and I, paranoid first-time parents that we were, took a safety course for infants and came away with all sorts of new fears. The biggest one was that our baby would surely suffocate if we put crib bumpers in her crib. The bumper police had us convinced that babies' faces are drawn to bumpers like Tara Reid is to apple Martinis. Its absurd." 

ok, ok, that is all I guess. its super funny though.. to me at least :) 

-second-

I bought this book at, my now favorite store, TJMax! I know, I know.. where have I been?! well, not in that store in probably like 10 years, so when I went a few weeks ago, I was amazed! It's better than Ross! lol. I have bought a couple of other things too.. like a baby craft book for  ONE DOLLAR!! sweet! :) and a "mom spa" book! haha.. good stuff! and a few other things..

which leads me to.. 

-third-

On my trip to TJMax tonight, I did something I have yet to do, something pretty monumental.. 

I used her small diaper bag! 

for those who have seen the diaper bag I usually use, it pretty much holds everything I would need for a week! But I tell ya, I use the stuff in there quite a bit! so I haven't felt bad about carrying it around! :) But I figured since I was just going to one store, she had just ate.. I would just throw a diaper, bib, and a blanket and I would be good.... and I was! LOL! 

its quite an accomplishment... 

-fourth-

so, here is where everyone can say a big, fat duh! 

so, I was doing laundry the other day, I had put in all Aubrey's baby stuff in the washer and I really wanted my bra washed too, my new Victoria's Secret bra. I wasn't going to do another load then so I figured it would be all good right? yeah.. until I pulled it out and EVERY single VELCRO bib was hanging from it!!! DUH!! the bra is still ok, just a couple of fuzz spots.. :( so.. lesson learned? oh no.. not till after I put her crotched blanket in there, again- every bib.. 

geeze!

-fifth-

so, last night I got all emotional and wanted to act like Aubrey was just a wee little baby again and cuddle with her in my bed like I used to to get her to bed. and sometimes I would have her lay next to up against my leg while I read. it was very sweet. and that used to be our bedtime ritual.. up until I could lay her in her bed and she just goes to sleep on her own.. till the morning!! But my bright self thought it would be good to turn  back the hands of time and totally throw off her nightly routine! needless to say, she got a little agitated and the moment was over. she still went to bed pretty easy, but it just made me kinda sad that she has changed so much that I can't be all cuddly with her to get her to fall asleep like we used to :( but that should be a good things right? I mean, who wouldn't be happy that their baby can just fall asleep in their bed and be done! lol! again.. lesson learned :)

so why was I emotional??.. 

-sixth-

Because my friend Natalie just had her little, baby girl LOLA! yay! CONGRATULATIONS!!!  I was lucky enough to go and see her and hold her for a few minutes!! She is just the cutest and sweetest little girl :) I am so happy for Natalie- you did a great job! I can not wait for our play dates!! 

-seventh-

well, I think that about sums everything up.. for now anyway!! :) 

Love to all! 

Proud Mommy!

Just as I say Aubrey is supposedly rolling over.. this morning she did!! I had her playing on the floor while I ate a bowl of fruit loops and watched her- she kept trying and trying, then bam!- there she goes completely on her little tummy! I got pretty excited! haha! Guess I've really got to keep an eye on her now! :)

*I wish I had  had my camera ready.. next time! :)

Busy Girl

Aubrey's third month sure was a busy one! Here are some of the things she figured out how to do, yay! 

{feet}

man, once she found her feet she has not let go! I will be in the middle of changing her and she will be holding on tight, which makes things slightly difficult! :) It's really funny when I get her up in the mornings to go and she's still half asleep, she just reaches up for her feet and falls asleep again! crazy girl! :) 

Check out those turkey legs! haha!

{bottle}

I'm super excited about this one!! haha. Although she still needs a little assistance at times, she pretty much takes over! 

Down to the last drop!! 

Also, I started giving her some cereal, she seems to like it just fine! go figure! Her 4 month check up (and shots! ahh!) is next week, so I'm going to talk to the Dr. more about food/feedings! 

AND, she is starting to roll over from back to stomach! (well, both ways now) although.. I have yet to see it, others CLAIM she does! I won't believe it till I see it (I'm slightly bitter I wasn't the first to see this! haha!) :) though, I'm not sooo sure I want her rolling over yet, while I change her diaper or clothes she tries to roll over so I keep having to plop her back down, it should be interesting once she is completely turning!! 

She is also scooting herself all over the place when she is laying on her back! She is going to have me running to keep up with her pretty soon! yikes! 

I know there was something else, but for some reason I cannot think of it!! grr!

I just can't believe my little one is already 4 months! She is getting more affectionate now, which I just LOVE!! she snuggles into me and holds her arms around my neck.. so sweet! ;) when she gets angry (mostly when her bottle isn't ready fast enough!) she pushes her hands all over my face- its really funny! She is slightly dramatic.. 

oh! I can not wait to put up this pictures I just got done of her (it will be a couple weeks though)! When I got them done I was a little nervous she wouldn't smile, boy was I wrong! she was laughing out loud and giggling the WHOLE time! needless to say, all the pictures were awesome and I spent too much money! haha!! the company that did them is OUR365, they did her newborn pics in the hospital and then they come to your house for their shoots, that way the babies are more comfortable (which so works!) so it was a breeze getting these done! the lady was great, Aubrey loved her! The only downside is, they are pretty expensive, so I don't know if I will use them again? but, since they were her first pro pics.. I just had to! :) 

Alrighty.. time to do something more productive! 

~Laura

for Natalie :)

Let's see... 

Since it was such a waiting game, I kinda kept track of the meds and my progress once I got there, here is what I wrote : 

-Got things started about 2:45 pm

-Pitocin 3:30 pm

-I.V. took 3 tries (in 3 different spots!) (no fun!!) 

-5:00 pm Epidural

-6:00pm-ish dilated about a 3

-10:00pm dilated 4-5

When she checked me at midnight I think I was about a 6 or 7, by 2 am I was ready to go! 

I would suggest trying to keep track because afterwards people will ask and you won't remember much! haha. I wish I would have written more down! 

Getting the epidural wasn't too bad, once the medicine goes in you will be able to feel it running inside you at first, kinda strange. 

let me stop and say this- be prepared for all things gross! if they have to break your water its pretty weird, and gross feeling! it does not hurt at all, you will just feel ALOT of warm liquid gooeyness coming out! lol. and.. when they pull the placenta out.. GROSS GROSS GROSS! that also does not hurt- I don't think anything will hurt after you push her out! haha. 

um, going to the bathroom afterwards, not very pleasant. and they will measure how much you pee. LOL. 

now, I tore and had to be cut (like I said, she was not coming out!), so I was pretty sore for a while, like weeks. hopefully that won't be the case for you, because it sucked! 

Also, when it was time to start pushing it was nothing like what you see in the movies! everything was so calm and casual, they would just tell me when, then stop and wait for the next contraction, then push, wait, push.. too easy! I couldn't feel anything :) so.. they stopped giving me so much of the epidural so that I could help in knowing when to push! then I started feeling! and to be honest, I have no idea when I went from "wow, this is a breeze!" to crying and pain and "I can't do it!" that in between moment is completely gone from my memory! its soo weird! but I remember when the first tear fell! haha. 

After a while, I did not want ANYTHING to touch me! They kept trying to put the oxygen mask on me, I kept taking it off, they kept wiping my head with a wet wash cloth- hated it, I ripped the heart rate band off my arm- they got mad and put it back (lol), and I wanted to take my robe off! I was pretty quiet during it all, no screaming actually, just crying.. (sorry!) 

The moment the doc pulled her out for me to see was the most surreal moment! at first I didn't really even believe she came out! but then it was just love! All the pain is sooo worth it! 

(oh, I did not get back or stomach contractions/pains, it was all in my butt cheeks- and it hurt!! I don't think anyone realized how painful it was, they just thought I was crazy! haha!) 

Oh! as much as you won't really want to, or get the chance to, sleep as much before as possible- you will be tired! Even though it will be nearly impossible, try to get some sleep afterwards! By the time I left the hospital I could barely keep my eyes open, even with visitors, it took all I had to stay awake! 

hmm.. oh, since you won't be able to eat anything before you have her, I would suggest not letting anyone eat or talk about food in front of you.. its not fair :) I went just about 24 hours without eating! 

well, I think I have rambled enough! Unless you want more! I love talking about all this, and especially to someone who can, and is about to, relate! sometimes I feel like my non-mom friends get bored with me talking about all this! haha. 

oh, and I was so about to say we should do play dates! I'm so game! lol! :) 

ok, let me know if you have anymore questions (sorry if this was way too much info!) 

Time Flies!

One year ago today, I found out I was pregnant!! I can't believe it has already been a year! Which quite frankly has been the fastest year of my life! 

"It seems like just yesterday.." well it does! That saying could not be any more accurate! haha! And I hear it only gets worse! 

This has been the most whirlwind and exciting year as well.. I am just so blessed to have this little girl in my life! :) 

A little bit of Aubrey Kay's journey... 

I am so happy this little one is in my life and couldn't ask for a better baby!! :)